when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
