dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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