wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
