kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
