I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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