Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I have already put on my inside pants.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
