My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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