i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
