What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
