He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
