Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My balls are so social today.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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