Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
