I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
