I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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