That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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