there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
