We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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