Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
