Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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