I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
