I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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