I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
