I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
