weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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