We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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