new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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