She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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