dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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