Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
