My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
