You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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