so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
