When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
