I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
