You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
