All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
