That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
