She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
