my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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