he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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