Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
