4 words: hood of his car
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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