It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
