How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
