based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
