YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My balls are so social today.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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