He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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