I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Randomize