I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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