dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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