Plan B is the new Plan A
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
