the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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