some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize