Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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