I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
