They should really pass out barf bags in church
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
