i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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