So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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