he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
