hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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