Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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