at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My dick has a subreddit
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
