It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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