i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
