dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
