Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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