Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Randomize
