hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
