Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
