When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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