He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
