Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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