toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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