Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
