I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
