Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
