Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
