Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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