The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
