If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
