Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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