Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
